5 Common Encouragements That Could Hurt Cancer Patients (More Than You Think)

Johor, Malaysia

It’s human nature to want to help—especially when someone close to us is going through a difficult time like cancer. We feel the need to say something comforting, offer advice, or even share stories we’ve heard in hopes of giving them hope or guidance.

But as well-meaning as we are, some words of encouragement may unintentionally cause more harm than good.

I’ve been in oncology for many years. I’ve seen families and friends try their best to support patients with love—but I’ve also seen how certain words or “suggestions” can make patients feel more anxious, more confused, and even delay important treatment decisions.

Here are some commonly heard phrases in the cancer ward that may backfire, and why we need to be more mindful:

1. “Someone I know had the same cancer as you did, and here’s what he did...”

I understand the intention—you’re trying to offer hope by showing that someone else survived or coped well. But cancer is not a one-size-fits-all disease. Even if two people have the same diagnosis on paper, their bodies, genetics, treatment responses, and underlying conditions are completely different.

Cancer is not the common flu. You cannot compare it apple-for-apple. The story you share might not only be irrelevant, it might unintentionally pressure or discourage the patient, especially if the outcome was bad—or overly optimistic. It may even increase their anxiety.

2. “I read an article that says you need to...”

Please—don’t try to be the medical expert. Most cancer patients already have a team of doctors guiding them. Throwing in “tips” from the internet or something you read on Facebook or heard on a podcast is not only unhelpful—it’s dangerous.

I’ve seen patients get confused or even delay life-saving treatment because someone forwarded them an unverified article or video about a “miracle cure.” Unless you're willing to bear the medical and legal consequences, do not assume the role of a doctor.

The internet is filled with information, but not all of it is accurate. And in medicine, too many cooks spoil the soup—especially if the cooks aren’t qualified.

Before you share anything with a cancer patient, ask yourself: Is this verified? Is this relevant? Could this potentially confuse of harm? If you can’t answer confidently, it’s better not to share it at all.

3. “You’re so brave and strong. This disease is nothing to you.”

You may think you’re uplifting them, but let’s not forget—being told you have cancer is a traumatic, life-altering event. No matter how mentally strong a person is, they will go through moments of fear, doubt, and vulnerability.

Telling someone to “be strong,” “keep fighting,” or “stay positive” may seem like the right thing to say—but sometimes, it just adds pressure.

In truth, what cancer patients need isn’t cheerleading. They need understanding. They need space to feel afraid, to cry, to question. And they need people who can just sit beside them without forcing positivity down their throat.

When they find their own will to live and fight, their strength to endure treatment becomes real—and powerful. But it must come from within, not from being told to "stay strong" over and over again.

4. “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”

This line can be comforting—if the patient holds strong religious beliefs. But if they don’t, it might come across as insensitive or even alienating. Not everyone finds strength through faith, and trying to inject a belief system into someone else's suffering can make them feel even more isolated.

When in doubt, listen more than you speak. Let the patient guide you on what comforts them.

5. “Your wig looks nice!” or “Oh? You didn’t lose your hair?”

Not all chemotherapy causes hair loss. Different drugs have different side effects, and every patient responds differently. Some may experience complete hair loss, others partial, and some not at all.

Bringing up a patient’s appearance—especially their hair—can make them feel extremely self-conscious. Even if your comment is meant as a compliment, it might unintentionally highlight their fear of being “seen as sick.”

Unless the patient brings it up themselves, it’s best to avoid comments about physical changes.

My Advice, From One Who Has Seen Too Much:

Please don’t play the role of a medical expert unless you are one—and are ready to be responsible for the consequences of your words.

We must stop spreading hearsay and "DIY cancer cures" from the internet. Your casual suggestion might cause someone to delay medically proven treatment and miss their golden window for recovery. And once that opportunity is gone, no amount of good intentions can bring it back.

💬 Instead, here’s what you can do:

• Be present. Just sitting quietly with someone can mean the world.

• Ask how they’re feeling instead of assuming how they should feel.

• Offer help in small but meaningful ways: “Can I bring you food?” “Do you want me to accompany you to your appointment?”

• Be a source of calm, not confusion.

• And most importantly—respect their journey.

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In the cancer ward, words can heal—but they can also hurt. Let’s all choose ours carefully and responsibly.

Cancer Awareness & Education Brought To You

By 👨‍⚕️Dr Teo Yin Keong | TEOncology

Clinical Oncologist, Johor, Malaysia